Where creative writing and general rambling go hand in hand :)

Thursday, 3 November 2011

First Tma - Creative Writing

This is my first assignment from my Creative writing course for which I received a clear pass :) any comments welcome x

Girl racer                                                                                                                  
Sophie used to be my best friend. She was so popular at school and I felt proud to be associated with her. It’s only now after everything that’s happened that I realise what a bitch she was all along. It hurts that she doesn’t care anymore. Perhaps she never did. She still has both her parents. My mum died when I was little, and now thanks to her, my dad is lying in hospital surrounded by machines that beep away while they try and keep him alive.
 Sophie has always been spoiled by her parents. For her eighteenth birthday they bought her a car; not just a cheap old banger, but a brand new Citroen Saxo. She had the windows blacked out and speakers built in to the back parcel shelf. Those of us who were yet to learn to drive were in awe of it, hoping one day we would have such a gorgeous car to drive our mates around in too. She drove everywhere. She picked us up after our Saturday jobs and took us to the pictures and the pizza place regularly; my only concern was she didn’t stick to the speed limit, ever.                               Two weeks ago, Sophie picked me up from work as usual and we headed off to the cinema with Lily and Jaz. We had a great time watching the film and spent most of the journey back home talking over each other. Mostly about our love for Taylor Lautner and which of us he would most likely date; seems really silly now.                                                                      As we turned into my street I saw my dad and his girlfriend Nikki walking home. Dad had taken Nikki out for a meal that night. They had been dating for a few months and I really liked her, I remember the day my dad first introduced us, she was so nervous but we hit it off immediately. As I was about to point them out to the other girls, Sophie spotted Jason who she has a major crush on. She was concentrating so much on showing off her car and herself that she lost control. She must have been driving well over the speed limit because she didn’t stop in time. I screamed as realisation hit. I saw Dad push Nikki out of the way. I saw my dad hit the bonnet of my best friend’s car. I saw his body smash against the windscreen and I saw him in the beam of the headlights, crumpled up in the middle of the road.       I froze in my seat; I was unaware whether the screaming I could hear was mine or Nikki’s. Maybe it was both. The neighbours came out and someone called an ambulance. Mrs Jones from next door-but-one stood by the open passenger door asking if I was okay. I didn’t notice her open the door, but I felt a rush of cold air and started shivering. I just kept saying ‘that’s my dad’ over and over. The next thing I remember is being at the hospital; Nikki and I were both checked over by the doctor and given the okay. Nobody else was hurt. The other three girls didn’t even come to the hospital. When the doctor told us we could see Dad, I grabbed for Nikki’s hand. I was scared. All I could see in my mind was his body hitting the windscreen. I could still smell the burning rubber, only now it was mixed with disinfectant; I was beginning to feel sick. The doctor listed Dad’s injuries; although I wasn’t taking much in I heard the words slim chance of pulling through. I clung to those words, it was still a chance and we had to believe he would be okay.                                                                     Nikki has been staying with me since the accident; she’s been brilliant. I can tell she really loves my dad. Lily and Jaz have visited most days; they don’t know what to say but just seeing them both helps. As for Sophie, she made contact the morning after the accident; a text message telling me how much damage was done to her car and how she’ll never be able to face Jason again. I didn’t reply. She sent another one telling me she’s getting a new car. I didn’t reply. Last night she sent me another one asking why I wasn’t replying. She really is a bitch, what sort of friend doesn’t ask you how your dad is after they hit him with their car?                                    The hospital just rang, he’s opened his eyes.

5 comments:

  1. I enjoyed reading your story Shaz. It's very vivid and believable - I've certainly known people like Sophie! Something seems to have gone wrong with your layout though. :-)

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  2. Ooh, Shar, that gave me goosebumps... What happened next? What a Bitch! I hope she doesn't get away with it!

    Well done.xxx

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  3. I really liked this. After your intro, I half expected for the narrator to be the one lying in hospital and the Dad to be watching from the bedside. I liked how you showed Sophie's true colours and the relationships the narrator has with Nikki and some friends. The text messages were a good thing to use here. Nicely done!

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  4. OMG this is so realistic that the bitch made me angry! Well done, you deserved a good mark for this!
    See you on U214! good luck from lucidgypsy

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